i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
