smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
