oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
