i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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