who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
