dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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