my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm having to shit out rocks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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