I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
