dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
