The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
