I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
