He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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