im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
