his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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