People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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