Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
