It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
