Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
