I smell stomach acid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
