3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
