If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
