thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
