..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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