you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You ruined the universe
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
