Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
