Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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