Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
