What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
