yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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