We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
