note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
