I'm going to jail i love you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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