Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
