Got a toothbrush?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
