Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
