I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
