Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
