I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
