my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
