Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
