can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
