I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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