One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
