this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
