Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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