You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
