she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
