Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
