I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
