I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
