We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
