Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
